5 O'Clock AM

No matter what your relationship is with your young adult child, conversations about complicated or sensitive topics are wild cards.  The relationship I enjoy with my 19-year-old is blessedly close, and we talk daily about all manner of subjects.  We see eye-to-eye on most of life's "big issues," but we also give each other the space for different perspectives and learn from each other constantly.  (Well, at least I know I learn from her; I would leave it to her to comment on how much she actually learns from me...)  Despite our closeness, though, or perhaps because of it, some conversations are fraught with emotion and tension.  I find myself dancing around the issue, sending little messages in what I believe to be supportive bottles, opening doors and windows to invite her in.  In my lesser moments, I push too hard, frustrated by her resistance or my own need to push forward -- issue to conversation to plan to resolution -- and almost invariably find myself with one of

Keeping promises made to others has always been a source of pride.  If I give my word to someone, I do everything in my power to keep it.  When it comes to promises I make to myself...I am nowhere near as fastidious.  I make excuses, I delay, I lose faith.  I find this pattern to be akin to taking better care in general of others than myself, a habit all too common among women in particular.  While the pandemic and subsequent months in lockdown did not make me a sourdough baker or a side hustle starter, it did force me to reflect on what I deny myself by not prioritizing my own needs and wishes.  I have since taken a number of steps to take better care of myself -- solidifying habits I had started but not consistently maintained, introducing new routines to my day that in some way or other promote my own peace of mind or health, and perhaps most importantly, have worked hard on letting go any unnecessary (and ultimately damaging, counterproductive) guilt I had once associated with prio